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When Children Become a Problem in a Dating Relationship

You are not yet completely comfortable with one another, but one or both of you think it’s a good idea to meet the children. A date wants to be certain that his or her pick is going to not only accept mom or dad, but the whole package. But if the potential partner is childfree, he or she just might be curious about the children and wonder how he or she might fit in the family. For some daters they believe, “The sooner, the better” to meet the children, but you might want to reconsider this thought. Children can influence a relationship in such a way that can set it back, rather than move it forward and there are a number of reasons.

The date really isn’t interested in children.
There are still many single and divorced men and women who are childfree and they have been that way for quite sometime. So when one has spent many years taking care of self and moving about his or her life without having to stay home with children, it can be challenging for this person to allow little people in his or her selfish world. The date will exhibit signs that show whether he or she really wants to date someone with children.

Parent lacks control over his or her children.
This is a turn-off for anyone dating or not, children who just won’t sit quiet long enough for adults to converse. Disruptive, emotional, and angry, children who have experienced abuse, suffer from mental and physical disabilities, or have other issues that can grate on one’s nerves is a cause for concern no matter how much a date convinces you that it is not. A date must also exert a certain degree of self-control over one’s tongue through the dating process and be prepared to assist the parent with children when called upon. Rejection or a slow reaction to responding to a parent’s request might be a deal-breaker while dating.

He or she doesn’t seem to be ready to devote any attention to an intimate relationship.
With the demands of parenting coupled with a job, some people think they can date too. However, when a date is often experiencing scatter-brain when it comes to his or her date, but can remember every little thing about everyone else, he or she has little time to devote to a relationship. Too much activity will do this, best to back off from dating until life slows down.

Every conversation starts off with, “My children…”
Parents love to brag about their children, share funny things about them, and talk about frustrating moments, but if all one talks about is the children, he or she is not going to be interesting to a date for long.

The date hasn’t gotten over his or her past and uses the children as an excuse.
Exes who never seem to go away whether in conversation or when they show up to get the kids can be an issue. One must be mentally and physically prepared to deal with the past and all that comes with it when dating. An ex who had no problem with his former partner when she was single, might use the children against her now that she is dating. There will be those challenging times that might leave a date wondering, “Is all the drama worth it?”

Whenever plans are made to go out, they are cancelled because of “My children…”
Once again too much activity will affect the relationship, but when a parent feels like everything that comes up with his or her children is top priority, a date might want to think twice about committing to this person. You have to ask yourself, “Can I tolerate these cancellations? Does this person really think much of me? Is this just a temporary phase? Can I stand to lose money arranging dates that don’t pan out?”

Parent expects a new date to help with children.
From babysitting to help with chores and errand-running, a date might want to evaluate whether he or she is being taken advantage of by the single parent. Is it going to be a problem for you when it comes to caring for someone else’s children especially if you have a few of your own?

The children are blatantly disrespectful to the date and his or her property.
No matter how much your date scolds his or her children, they still do bad things like damage one‘s property for starters. A date may look the other way, don’t offer to pay or make excuses for unruly children. Most likely, the way he or she parents was an issue in the last relationship. Disrespectful children can send anyone over the edge. Ask yourself, “Can my nerves handle such stress at this time in my life?” People with various health conditions will admit that they sometimes don’t want children around. Could that be you?

Take the time to build your relationship apart from children. If spending time together is an issue, offer to help pay for childcare. When you notice that your date really seems to be interested in you and vice versa, then meet the children. However, avoid marriage talk and similar conversation with your date until you have spent significant time with the children, met the other parent, and felt comfortable around other relatives.

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