Tips on Keeping Safe from Problematic Older Men
When dating a mature man you will want to think about why you would be considering dating someone possibly a decade or so older than you. Now some young women date mature men for various reasons such as: experiencing lonely feelings, a strong desire to make an ex jealous, a want for money and other material gain, and a need for a marriage partner and children. However, there are those younger women whose reasons for dating mature men are a little more complex. You might want to ask yourself, “Why might I be interested in dating a mature man?” The thought of dating someone as old or older than your father or uncle might be a concern or maybe not at all. But whatever the reason, be sure that you don’t have any of the following issues before stepping out of your dating norm such as: unresolved issues regarding your relationship with your father, a desperate need for financial security or other things stereotypical of many young women dating mature men. These issues and more will surface in your dating experiences if you are having them, so it helps to know if your reasons for dating older are simple or complex.
Is it love that you seek? Do you have a long history of dating men in your own age group that leave you feeling disappointed? Know the answer to your why question prior to dating a mature man because one day he might ask, “Why are you with me? Is it my money? What I can do for you?” In a world of manipulative individuals who rise to the top by doing the following like: lying, cheating, abusing, and stealing, a young woman can easily fall in love with a greedy, immoral, power player who wants nothing more than a periodic fling. Before long, she can find herself in an abusive relationship, in love with an unavailable man (ie. married to someone else or his job), or one who has far more enemies than friends.
For a young woman still new to the scene when it comes to dating older men, she might want to be aware of the types of selfish men who are more interested in sex, control, and using her for their own selfish gain.
He has been around a long time and has a history of abusing women and/or children too. He seeks a younger woman because he can’t get away with his mind games with most older women. The abuser knows very well what women do to set him off, this is why he is still single, but he won’t tell you that. He hopes that you will be that one who will be a “good girl” that doesn’t give him any attitude and does what he says. The aging abuser is bold and opinionated. For example, he doesn’t like it when his partners want to do something different with their hair or style of dress (that is unless he has given them some suggestions). He jokes about young women being unable to cook and acts as if he doesn’t have any problem with his date not cooking, but in time he becomes frustrated with her and wants her to cook like this person and that one.
The angry older man will attempt to persuade you to change your interests if he doesn’t agree with them and if they take too much time away from him. He will also nitpick when it comes to expressing how he feels about those you love the most. He does this because he knows you will be sharing information about the relationship to your support system.
The old-school abuser has an opinion about your lifestyle and often refers to how things were back in his day. His thoughts about life in general are often critical and he may go so far as to say, “I wish women were more like those in the 50s and 60s. They respected their men. They made a man feel like he was king over his castle.”
When this controlling individual is confronted about his wrongs, he finds a way to manipulate the situation and blame you for his issues. If you should yell, cuss or disrespect him in anyway, he will not hesitate to use physical punishment to ensure you are put in your place. Women who don’t permit such behavior early on in the relationship escape his wrath. But women, who are easily misled into abusive relationships such as this, usually trust and rely on him for some things such as: a place to stay, money, assistance with her career or business, and children.
The best way to keep yourself out of trouble with a man like this, is to be observant, don’t be pressured into having sex and most of all establish boundaries. Abusive men will lose their cool, do shocking things that will leave you feeling uneasy, and will be pushy about wanting to see you, take you places, and buy you things or vice versa. There are many abusers that will use women before they will be used by them. From their car to their credit card, an abuser will always have a story to get you to help him.
These abusive older men (as well as some young ones too) will be overly concerned about your male relatives and friends and will often question you about your whereabouts when you are not with them. Also, abusive men are disloyal and will cheat, lie and cover up their sexual conquests with other women. Older abusive men know how to charm young women because they have years of experience. If a young woman isn’t savvy, she will be caught in his trap.
The Mature Married Man
He seeks a younger woman because he just wants that intense feeling of romance back in his life that he once had with his wife in his youth. But bills, children, work responsibilities, aging parents, and more has caused him to feel down about life, so if a young woman can give him that spark, he will welcome her.
A young woman should watch for all signs that a man is committed. Tan lines around his ring finger, talk about a certain woman, constant watching others, odd selection of places to meet, discreet about what he does when he isn’t around you, and more signs will help you find out if he is married.
From the times he agrees to meet a woman to the places he visits with her, his date should not only watch what he does, but what he doesn’t do. Is he apprehensive about letting you meet more than one person in his family? Does he have some reservations about taking you to certain places? Does he drive you to places on the other side of town hoping that no one will see the two of you out there? Married men who approach younger women also have experience with cheating and lying like abusive males. The difference is he isn’t going to hit you, if he can help himself, because he doesn’t want a scandal to reach the ears of his wife and possibly children. He also isn’t interested in controlling you as much as the abusive man, because he knows that he doesn’t want anything more than periodic sex and conversation with someone who he thinks enjoys his company.
The Sad, Lonely Mature Man
The unhappy man who is going through a mid-life crisis desires a younger woman because he has yet to meet women his own age that can revive him mentally, physically or spiritually. He may have lost a parent, recently divorced, got fired from a job, or have some other unfortunate issue occur in his life. This man may have made more enemies than friends over his lifetime simply by not being a good son, lover, father, worker, or friend. He wants someone to help him get out of his depressed mindset. The younger woman serves as a distraction for him while he sorts out some things personally and professionally.
The older man’s health may be cause for concern and he just might use his ailments to play on a young woman’s feelings. He falsely believes that a youthful woman is going to make him feel more like a man, but the young woman might have some challenges of her own. This might be a turn off to him and he might begin to think about his past with an ex who may have had health issues, he might seek a replacement of the young woman, or ask for some time to “be left alone to sort some things out” about his present situation. Meanwhile, the young woman doesn’t realize the older man isn’t finding her a suitable mate.
Getting involved with a man with mental or health issues will take their toll on your personality and it might put your safety at risk. You can spot a mature man (who might potentially be a stalker) desperate for companionship simply by paying close attention to how he reacts to you in person or online. He may be too eager to meet you, buy you pricey gifts and may surprise you by coming around when you least expect it. You might also find that he is actually tailoring his personality to fit yours. For instance, you might like to spend your free time relaxing at a coffee shop or watching a play at a local theater, meanwhile he might not like doing these things. But he will lie and say something like, “I wouldn’t mind going with you…or I like those places…” But when you inquire more about how he spends his time, you discover he is nothing more than a couch potato when he isn’t working eight to 10 hours a day. This man might also complain often such as how he would never pay for pricey coffee anywhere, don’t like traveling, or watching plays.
You may be a vibrant, young woman with little or no hang-ups and open to just about dating anyone. Nothing wrong with learning about people and creating new experiences for your self; however, be mindful of men who are determined to be with you to the point that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Ignorant, mature men assume that most young women are silly and naive--be the exception to the rule.
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