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My new partner has a child – How do I deal with it?

Single ladies and gentlemen over 30 are more likely to find a partner that might already be a mother or father. Not everyone thought about what to do, when it comes to a situation like that. For some men and women it is an absolute taboo to date someone with a child, others might even see it as an advantage. If the new person we meet and have a crush on is a mother or father is not necessarily visible from the start. In online dating networks people might state on their profiles that they have children so that potential future partners instantly know. But other than that it is really hard to tell. Some single parents find it incredibly hard to tell new dating partners about their kids because they do not know how the other person might react. In fact, it is not that easy to decide what to do when you learn your new love already has a child. Might be, that your whole life you imagined meeting your one true love and having your first children together. But if there is one thing certain in life, it is the fact that there is nothing certain.

All right, so your new crush just let the cat out of the bag and told you that he or she is a parent. If this is the first time in your life you are confronted with the thought of what to do now, you might feel very unsure and confused. First and most importantly: Your feelings are completely normal and ok. No one expects you to make a decision straight away. Relax and take your time to digest the news first. Don’t make too quick and radical decisions. Before you think there is no way you can do this, think twice and remember that the person you fell in love with stays the same with or without a kid. Second step would be to meet the kid(s). You never know, maybe you love them, maybe they love you.

Sometimes, however, its not that easy. Depending on how old the children are, the issues and problems you might see yourself confronted with can vary enormously. Very young babies and toddlers will demand a lot of care and time, which means that your new partner might not always be available unless there is a reliable babysitter. Bigger kids might be very picky with the new partner in their parent’s life and could give you a very hard time. Teenagers tend to dislike everything and everyone including themselves, be prepared to fight out one or the other battle. Adult children are usually very relaxed, understanding and quickly adjusted to new situations in their parents’ lives.

Whatever the case and however old the kid(s) of your new partner, show as much patience and respect as you can. Single parents deserve the chance to meet someone new and to be seen as individuals not only as moms and as dads.
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