Age Gap Dating: Only an Issue If You Make It One
You may not have wanted to date someone a decade or two older or younger in the past. But then it happened, you couldn’t deny the opportunities when they presented themselves to you. Yet for some daters, they are wondering, praying, and hoping that their special someone is worth all the time and energy they are putting into their new relationship.
A typical concern of most dating older or younger is the age difference. Every now and again, an issue will arise during the dating experience that will not make a dater feel completely confident about their selection in a mate. Whether it is a difference of opinion, a generation gap when it comes to interests, or a sense of humor you don‘t like, these concerns and others will remind you of that significant age gap between you and your date. However, your experience dating the younger or older person may not be as bad as your mind might be making it out to be. You have a choice: choose to focus on the pros of the relationship or the cons.
Since everyone is different, the relationship attributes that will keep you interested in your date might not work for others. Do you like the way she looks, talks and how she manages her time and money? Do you find his conversation interesting and his character trustworthy? Now if the cons are suffocating the pros, meaning that they are dominating one’s mind quite often, you and your date might want to reconsider whether you are right for another, rather than doing what some dates will do swear off dating mature or young people altogether.
What is it about your date that you find so irritating? Could you be settling for a mature lover or young date, because you believe you can’t find anyone better? Choosing to focus on the positives while learning from the negatives of age gap dating will help you learn more about yourself, your date’s needs and what you can or cannot contribute to the relationship. Yet, what some pessimists do is spend valuable time analyzing everything that is wrong with the relationship while complaining to others.
People, who date older or younger, experience disappointments, set backs and more that make them feel like maybe age gap dating is not in their best interest. One wrong comment or joke about someone’s appearance or age can make a person feel bitter and disinterested in “old, tired men” or “immature, silly women” as some jilted lovers have described ex-partners.
It can be disheartening to a date when a mature person is trying to explain an historical event or childhood interest to a young date who might not be the least bit interested since he or she wasn’t born during that time or was too old at that time to care less. Before you assume the worse, be sure you are reading your date’s body language correctly.
If you are younger, age gap dating might make you feel awkward when traveling with your mature date to parties and other social events or make your mature date feel uncomfortable when he sees a young partner decorated like someone in a music video every time the two of you step out together. Respect each other and listen to concerns. If you or your date are unwilling to make adjustments or think a certain request is a deal-breaker, move on.
When age gap dating becomes a major problem is when one or both parties can’t see beyond their differences. He or she may still hear naysayers’ comments every time there is a challenge in the relationship, “I told you he was too old…she is not your type , she is far too young!” The mature date may be angered because people half his age are interested in his young date. The young woman may have some insecurities and think, “Why does he bother with me?”
The more you read about people’s personal struggles dating someone older or younger, the more concerns will be raised within you and you might question whether age gap dating is right for you. Sure, it’s a good idea to get wise counsel as you need it when it comes to dating, but sometimes you can find yourself making a big deal out of nothing.
Not all age-gap dating challenges apply to all. The more unresolved past issues someone brings to a relationship, the more likely there will be problems. From unreasonable exes to health issues, if you know you have some things you are grappling with and there seems to be no peaceful resolve in your personal life, you might want to reconsider age gap dating or any dating at this time in your life until you have your lifestyle well-managed. But, if you have no personal dramas and you are simply having minor relationship problems with your current date, then address those issues in a polite and respectful manner.
You can make your experience age-gap dating more enjoyable by doing the following things:
1. Talk about your interests, differences and personal insecurities.
2. Visit new places and discover new things together.
3. When you both feel comfortable, meet relatives, co-workers and friends.
4. Create distance from those who are unsupportive.
Young people believe they have plenty of time to date anyone of their choosing, while older people feel like they don‘t have enough time. You can start a relationship without worrying about how old the other is if you sincerely like one other. But to one whose youth and beauty is fading quickly or already long gone, he or she doesn’t have too much time to waste on empty conversation, frivolous spending and hot and cold romances. The conversation might come up about marriage, babies, money, assets, and more sooner than expected, are you prepared? For some daters, this is why they will pressure a date to make a commitment.
Age gap dating can either make you feel like you want to rush things or cause you to take your time depending on the pace you set for yourself from the beginning of the relationship to the end. Enjoy your dating experience and above all, choose wisely!
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