7 Things I Wish I Knew About Dating Older Men Before I Did It: A Personal Experience
I thought I knew the basic things about dating an older man. Things like complimenting him, showing appreciation and kindness, as well as being respectful of his life experiences and taking time out of my busy day to be a good friend. However, I had no clue that I would be challenged on so many areas of my life because I was dating someone older. I didn’t know that mothers, exes, in-laws, and friends could run an older date out of my life. I had no clue just how much a lack of testosterone played a part in an older man‘s personality and in the bedroom. Even worse, I didn’t realize just how deep my past hurts caused me to gravitate to older men, for things like attention and love. So I share some of the many things I learned since dating older men during my 20s.
One. The ex, children, and siblings most likely aren’t going to be in support of the relationship.
You may love him and think the world of him, and so do others that know him. Some exes may still be trying to sweet talk him back into their beds. Children may be whining for dad to come back home to mom. His brothers and sisters might be hurling insults his way about how he needs to stay out the cradle. With all of this pressure, it isn’t any wonder that his relationship with younger women don’t last. When they acted as if age was a problem, that’s when I learned to create distance, don’t look back and move on with my life. A man who has hang-ups about age shouldn’t be dating younger in the first place.
Two. Older men will go through hormonal changes like an older woman.
I read about Andropause, also known as mid-life in men, but none of what I read could prepare me for the roller-coaster ride of emotions that arose during my dating experiences with older men. No wonder middle-aged women were glad to put some of these older men outdoors. One minute they love everything about you, the next minute they are yelling about you getting out of their house—what? I learned I didn’t have enough years to put up with such foolishness. So I would encourage these men with low T issues to take their vitamins, herbal remedies, prescription medicines or leave me alone.
Three. Morals, interests, and lifestyle are only a few of the many differences dating some of these older men.
The age gap often reared its ugly head when we started talking about the past. The older man would ask me, “Do you know about this…Have you ever heard about that…I use to listen to that when I was a kid…” I would respond with, “Oh, okay.” I couldn’t contribute anything to a conversation that I had no prior knowledge since I wasn‘t even born yet. Since those early days of dating older men, I learned to do some research and seek the information I found interesting during his youth and ask some questions. It is better to respond to an older man’s story-telling like, “Wow, I never knew that. I wouldn’t mind checking that out…” Rather than, “Oh, okay.”
Four. Many tire easily from working all day (it all depends on how much older he was than me and how active).
I don’t know what your experience has been like dating older men, but many men I dated in the past were often tired. If it wasn’t a weekend, they really didn’t bother with doing much of anything during the week, but work. Work all day, have sex sometimes, then sleep. Sometimes frequent sex would make them tired and grumpy. Over the years, I learned to abstain from sexual relations when dating for as long as possible, because once I gave it away, I usually had a less than satisfying courtship.
Five. Some older men aren’t interested in learning or doing new things unless the younger woman acts like a cheerleader and motivates them to do things.
Once again, I don’t know what your experience has been like, but as for mine, I was often the one suggesting places to go, and the older man would either void my suggestions and do the usual dinner and a movie date or he would come up with something to do to keep me interested.
Six. There were those older men that would say and do things that changed my life for better and worse.
Whether you desire a marriage, a baby, a new job opportunity, or something else, what someone says makes a big difference in your life especially when you have no male role models around you who bother communicating with you. I found myself improving me because a few older men saw my potential to do well in life. Then there were those who were grown men with hurt little boys living inside of them that only destroyed whoever was in their path for the time being. In time the only thing I learned from the bad boys was how to get away from them.
Seven. A few older men reminded me of my dad and other older males in my family so I tended to keep a couple around past their expiration date.
Having been approached by older men for decades, I noticed one common denominator with all of them, they reminded me of my dad, an uncle, or a cousin in my family. It was strange. No matter where I went, how I was dressed, or who I traveled with, there was always an older man somewhere nearby who had something familiar about him. Once I started attending church, I learned to be careful of those familiar spirits.
So you can see from my experience with older men, I had some times in my life where things were up and things were down. Oftentimes I went into these dating relationships with hopeful expectations. I realized that many of these men were not looking for commitment, just a friend, a temporary lover, or someone to help them with a problem or two. My suggestion to any young woman or mature man reading this, know what you want and how you want to get it, but whatever you do don’t scheme to get it or your plan just might blow up in your face sooner or later, be honest!
|© Handsome Media